| I am back and diving in head first. fuck this world, its too slow my brain is charging out of my skull time to BUCKLE DOWN BITCHES! |
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| Just when you think you've slipped away she grabs my a sucks me back in. CW 138..gw...dead. Intake for today 2 things of ramen-960 cals 7 bisocodyls.(laxatives) 1 diet orange sunpop 0 cals..i figure i will cut my cals in half every day so tomorrow my limit will be 500..stayed under today which is good...fuckin ED |
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| well today started off okay. intake of 100 cals of reeses' puffs (hell yea!) ..then a few too many beers....so i guess around 400 cals today...but did my ritual ..20 leg lifts per leg..then 100 crunches then another 20 per leg and repeat. ....around 5/6 times. i have lost quite a few lbs..feels good the space between my legs is growing ever wider : ) ..happiness...BUT i checked out a few girls sites and realize it has been to long since i had a SERIOUS fast...it's hard because my b/f wants me the way i am and wants me to remain healthy..i care deeply for him but it is difficult. so..fast started on ....uhhh...this date at 4:43...i will update and do my best to last long..it is beautiful..horrible ..deadly..but smooth sexy and as dark as a black cat...slithering through the shadows.....i realized as the years go on with this issue..my goal weight drops and drops from month to month and day to day.....i have slowly but surely realized that my ultimate goal is death...finally peace from my body...left to float freely and having no limits..a pile of bones sheathed in a thin layer of skin....it will be hard to fast..i will have to make A LOT of excuses and my respect for my bf will make this difficult.but...i miss feeling strong mentally and weak physically....waiting for my nail beds to turn blue..grow lanugo...become a fuzzy little bear.....usually i go through phases..but this time it's not..i am in this for good and i can feel it..i have never felt this way before. i do not condone eating disorders..i will steer those who desire to be thin away from this.....but i am already in this...so death or not..i AM ready...sadly..i plan on dying...but it is something i also embrace..please turn back now if you are not yet consumed..an eating disorder is a long lonely road that most people will regret taking. i will be honest..i will post every hour i fast without a lie...i feel no shame..please stay healthy girls |
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| my goal weight is whatever i am at when i die. : ) UGW: death |
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| i know i am good at my disease. wanna know how? pass out anytime i walk use 50 laxatives a day get worried comments from familt and co-workers when i close my eyes everything spins i can go days without food and not even try..used to take effort BUT!....the real reason is that i lost 13lbs in a week and a half...the space between the thighs grows more and more. i WILL be ...pure.. Intake: JACK SHIT!....it's not so hard once you practice : ) i swear no one can hurt me...try. i DARE you. it's time for a cold shower. reminds me where i stand. small and weak.. :) |
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